How to let go

Do you ever have problems letting go?  I mean letting go of a situation or event that occurred and your just can't stop thinking about it?  It's like your mind is on instant replay, you just keep playing it over and over again in your mind, like a record player.

If you're anything like me, the answer is a definite YES!

This is actually something I have personally been working on for years, meaning I've had lots of events happen to give me practice in this "skill".  I'm sure you can relate.

Yes I truly believe it is a skill, and like any skill, it needs sharpened again and again.  Just when I think I have it down, a new challenge will arrive and give me another opportunity to sharpen up my "letting go" skills yet again. 

Just this past week, the property owners beside our home cut down a beautiful Lilac bush, that was there since we moved in 24 years ago. That Lilac was so beautiful in full bloom, and provided a canopy of shade in the corner of our yard where we placed a beautiful chair to be able to sit and enjoy a hot summer day in the shade.  Not only that, but it provided us huge privacy sheltering most of the houses behind us on the other side of the alley. I just wanted it to last forever!  Plus we got to see different birds, from Chickadees to Blue Jays and the squirrels loved the "jungle gym" it provided.  

Well it was a horrible day.  The chainsaws came out, and well you can guess the rest... the Lilac is gone, as is our shade and privacy.  It's a totally different experience now, and saddened us both.  But what have we learned in all these years?

The only thing that is consistent is change.  

Besides that Lilac bush was not in our yard, and totally out of our control. 

After shedding some tears, I decided I had to do something to get me out of my sad state.  I knew I had to let go.

An easy thing to say, but not such an easy thing to do.  So what helped me, and is still helping me let go?

First, I always allow myself time to let my emotions fly, get them out, cry, scream, punch a pillow, whatever it takes.  

Only after I have honoured my feelings, do I take the next steps.  If I don't those emotions get stuck inside and I have to work on "ridding my vase" my body, of it later and that's not always easy.  In fact that is much of the work I do with clients, dig up what is stuck so we can bring it up, then get rid of it, so they can then move forward in life.

Next I become aware by considering the facts.  

I became aware the situation was out of my control, therefore I had a choice.  Stay sad and angry over it, waste my time and energy fretting over something that was done, over, gone.  OR I could choose to think about it differently, and have a different experience.  Time to take action.

I decided to choose a different way to think about it. I needed to change my perspective.

This is where Darren and I got busy planning how to landscape our yard to get back some privacy and shade.  We will be planting a row of Aspens, long tall tree that won't take up lawn space (like an evergreen) yet give us what we need.

Let it go.  Now this is much easier that we have a new plan in place - of course it will take those trees time to grow, but we are at least acting now with what's within our control, that being, our yard.

Forgiveness is part of letting go, forgiving the neighbours for cutting down that beautiful Lilac (it was theirs afterall) and really we don't know what's next, could they be tearing down and rebuilding?  I best get working on that "letting go" muscle making it strong incase that is what is next.

Create a new experience.  For us that will be our new Aspen trees and the beauty, shade and privacy they will eventually provide.  Will also be a lesson in patience as they grow.

Check in with supportive friends, family or a counsellor to ensure I stick with positive thinking.  

My friend Kit also pointed out my negative thinking around if they do decide to do construction, as I said to her "well there goes my summer in the backyard".  To which she quickly pointed out my "next challenge" in changing my thinking if that does happen. Why am I already giving over my power to someone else allowing them to ruin my summer just by thinking of what might be next?

See what I mean, just when you think you got it down, along comes another life challenge!  We are a constant work in progress I believe - well I know at least I am. (:  Our support peeps are there to help us see our blind spots, as sometimes our awareness hasn't kicked in yet.  Be grateful for those folks!  I know I am - thanks Kit!

In summary here are the steps I use:

• Acknowledge my emotions & honour them
• Become aware of what the situation is doing to me
• Change my perspective on the situation
• Take action
  • Let it go - forgive
  • Create a new experience
  • Develop a support network

Know of course  you can seek professional help, such as a therapist, energy worker, or support group to aid you during the process if you are stuck.  There is no shame in seeking help for the things that ail us, in fact I see it as a strength when we do, because we know our limitations.  That in itself is a great gift.